So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
where are you?
Hypothermia
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
