Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
