i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
