I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
