My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?