I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now