i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize
