tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won