i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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