i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
