Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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