And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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