he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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