Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I want a musical about memes.
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