It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
