this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
