Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
