just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Sorry my hands just texted you
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
