I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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