Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
