If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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