the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
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