I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
NoShamevember. You game?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
