I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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