My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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