God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
