I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
