Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
