no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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