So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Randomize
