He uses pillows to masturbate.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
