wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
