the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
