I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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