The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
