I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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