i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
