I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
