WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
