So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
