I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
50% drunk capacity currently
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
