good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
