sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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