he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
