I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
