I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
