if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You smell like stripper and shame
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Found the puke drawer
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
