We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
