awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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