you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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