oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
