The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Randomize
