Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
