Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
she told me i tasted like america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize