I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i think my tv is drunk
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
