My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
