Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I want to fling myself into the sun
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize