Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
