So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Is her dick bigger than yours?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
