I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.