Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
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whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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