I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.