Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero