another moral hangover. fuck.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
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Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
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I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"