Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
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I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
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pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.