If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
