She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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