Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
