Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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