Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Randomize
