I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
