how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
