apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
