: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
