I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
