Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
