butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
