Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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