Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
