he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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