i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize