Porn is love you can see.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
