Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
