Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
