I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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