She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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