You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
