i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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