there was a trapeze. enough said
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
